


Awkward Conversations

by Casity



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Batdad, Brothers, Fluff, Siblings, batfamily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-03 18:53:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14575407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Casity/pseuds/Casity
Summary: Jason, Dick, and Damian discuss zombies, childhood punishments, and futuristic offspring.





	Awkward Conversations

It had started as a peaceful and pleasant conversation before the unexpected U-turn. Dick, Jason, and Damian were in the sitting room, having congregated from the kitchen after breakfast, comparing their ultimate team-ups incase of a zombie apocalypse. Somehow though, Damian had hijacked the discussion to appease his curiosity. "Is it true that people these days still believe in corporal punishment?"

Jason's face underwent a series of expressions and he finally let out a single laugh. "Ok, that was unexpected. How do you go from zombies to that?" He reached across the couch to shove his little brother's shoulder in a teasing manner.

"Well, Todd, unlike you, my mind is capable of having more than just a single line of thought."

From his position, sprawled on the floor, Dick shook his head. "Ouch."

"It seems absurd that one would ever do such a thing," Damian continued.

"I guess. Why? Did Bruce finally have enough and let ya' have it?"

As if on cue, Damian tossed his head, sticking his nose in the air. He crossed his arms and scoffed. "As if father would ever do something so utterly common place. He, unlike the two of you, happens to be a man of refinement."

"Yeah," Jason said with a roll of his eyes, "sooo unlike us." When his comment wasn't met with a chuckle or agreement, the twenty-one-year-old glanced towards Dick. He had expected at least something in reply. Though, to his surprise, Dick appeared uncomfortable. "Dickie?"

"Huh?" The Romani startled at his name and began to blush. "Sorry, space cadet."

"Ohmygod, Dickie! No way!" Jason tossed back his head and began to laugh. Hard. He ignored Damian's mutterings of confusion as he forced himself to calm down. This was too good. "Bruce has done it to you before! This is the best thing I've heard all week. Richard John Grayson, who can do no wrong, has had his ass served. Shit! How'd you manage that?!"

It were almost as if Damian himself had been insulted by the insinuation. "Father would never do something so idiotic and out-dated. Tell him, Grayson."

Dick, now even more red, ducked his head. Apparently the carpet was of bigger interest.

"Richard?" When the silence continued Damian looked aghast. "It's true?!"

"Only, like, three times." Dick muttered, shamefaced. He studied the two through his eyelashes, though seemed to mainly focus on Jason. "You never … I mean, he never … you know?"

"No fucking way! I'd have killed him had he tried."

"Well, that sucks," Dick mumbled, his head dropping again.

"What did you do to piss him off? I mean, I'm pretty sure I did stuff way worse than you as a kid. So, yeah … What the hell? Spill."

"It – I was nine, ok? So it wasn't, like, that weird. I mean, it was, but not like weird-weird, it was just…" Dick knew his rambling was only making things sound worse, so he swallowed a deep breath of air and tried again. "I got a few notes sent home saying I was disruptive in class, ok? I liked to talk. I know, big surprise. So, after the third one, Alfred gave me this lecture. I got mad because he said he wanted me to write lines as my punishment. It was stupid, ok, but for some idiotic reason I got really upset and told him he wasn't the boss of me."

Jason shook his head. "Hoo-boy."

"Well, he was correct," Damian inserted. "Pennyworth is the butler and as such-."

"Ok, I know you don't believe that."

"As always, your input is unwanted and unnecessary, Todd."

Dick had hoped that the two would distract themselves and allow him to escape, but his brothers both looked back, waiting for him to continue. "Sheesh. Eh, anyway, the short story is that when Bruce came home he told me to apologize. I told him 'no' so he tried to send me to my room, when I refused he picked me up to force me, so I kinda-sorta bit him."

Jason erupted into laughter while Damian seemed to be considering a few things. "You were raised by the circus. No doubt proper etiquette was never bestowed upon you. -Ttt- Father should have known better than to bring you into his house."

"Oh shit!" Jason said, swiping a hand across his eyes as if to remove the nonexistent tears. "You bit him? Were you fucking feral as a kid? Why the hell did you think that was a good idea?!"

"You're one to talk," Damian said, "what with the red Hannibal Lector mask you employ every night."

"I don't fucking bite people!"

Unfazed by the other two, Dick answered. "I was nine, ok. Nine, in a really bad mood, and not thinking. So yeah, you can guess what came next. The end." Dick didn't want to know how red his face was. "But it was more just a hard swat and that was that."

"You said there were three times." Jason said, half distracted. He currently was batting away Damian's hand as the teenager tried to poke at his face. "Stop, you little shit! What are you doing?"

"Well, yeah, but what does it matter? Point is he does, or at least did, support corporal punishment."

"Apparently only with you. Though, I guess you were the first kid. He must of wised up." Jason, who had finally stopped his spat with Damian, leaned back, and relaxed further. "No way would I have ever let him try that with me."

Dick frowned, the realization that he had been the only one didn't sit well. Not at all. It wasn't like he'd been the worst of his brothers, if anything he'd considered himself the most well mannered! What? Had Bruce used him as a kind of trial run?

"I bet you cried your eyes out and hugged him after, knowing you." Jason continued. "And then you guys talked it out over warm milk or some shit."

Once again, Dick blushed at the semi-accurate depiction. "Well, I didn't bite him ever again. That's for sure."

"It kind of explains you, Dickie. What with you being the obedient golden child who runs after 'daddy' no matter what. Still messed up though. I'm never having kids, but if I ever somehow did, I wouldn't frickin' hit them."

Damian didn't miss a beat. "I assure you, your illegitament children will find their way into a prison cell with your superb parental guidance."

"Yeah, well, at least their Uncle Damian will bail them out."

"I would not be your accidental offspring's uncle, you imbecile!"

Jason grinned and waggled his eyebrows. "Oh, you sure as shit would. You'd spoil 'em and give them piggy-back rides, and maybe, since you're such a great uncle, I'd even let you live here with us."

"You are not inheriting father's house!"

"Yeah, I know," Jason feigned a rejected look. "Dick would. We all know Bruce loves him most."

Damian glanced over to the eldest. "Perhaps that is true-."

"It's not true, Dami," Dick said with a sigh.

"-but the house is mine by right. I am the only Wayne here."

"Have you seen my tombstone? It reads Jason Wayne-Todd, bitch."

"It does not!"

"How would you know?! What, do you make a point to visit my grave? You'd better be bringing flowers and crying and shit."

Damian was back to poking Jason's face, an action that had them both shoving eachother. "I go there to reflect on all the ways I could kill you!"

"Naw, yous be crying like a little gangster."

There had been footsteps coming from upstairs, easily identified as Bruce's. Apparently he'd awoken and decided to face the day. Dick listened, trying to decipher what direction the billionaire was heading, but before he could figure it out Damian was shouting.

"Father!" The thirteen-year-old shot up from the couch and disappeared from the sitting room, momentarily leaving Jason and Dick alone. The two shared a look, Dick confused while Jason amused. It wasn't long before the three were reunited, but this time with a bewildered Bruce Wayne. "Father, I've heard an egregious tale from Richard. Is it true you were once plebeian enough to-"

"Oh god," Dick blurted, face afire.

"-actually use corporal punishment?"

Bruce, who had been patiently listening now appeared surprised. He glanced at Dick, eyebrow quirked, and cleared his throat. "This is what you discuss in your free time?"

"No!" Dick yelped, utterly humiliated by the whole situation. "They were the ones, not me!"

"I never did that with you two." Bruce scowled. He didn't seem interested in any further investigation as he glanced to his watch, then made to leave. "I'm busy, and don't you guys have anything better to do?" Before he could step out of sight, Dick quietly stopped him with: "why just me then?"

Jason, who had been smiling, suddenly seemed less enthusiastic about the situation. Even Damian seemed to be drawn back.

"Well, Jason was older and had a past." Eyes shifted to the middle child, but Jason seemed unfazed, if not a bit aloof.

"Damian's been here since he was ten and I know he did worse things than I ever did."

"Look, everyone makes mistakes," Bruce admitted. He spoke confidently, but there was an air of unease. "I was young and sometimes didn't think things through. I apologize. It shouldn't have happened. If it helps, Alfred chewed me out each time … I just didn't know how to deal with kids. I probably didn't have any business taking you in."

Dick's face fell. Dejected.

"You've finally come to your senses, Father," Damian muttered, which earned him a smack to the back of his head via Jason.

Bruce quickly made an amendment to his prior statement: "I'm thankful I did though." Then, as if nothing had happened, left the room.

"Ttt."

"I guess it kinda sucks to be the oldest." Jason said, like some kind of peace offering. "Though middle is far worse. I'm forced into rebellion by lack of parental interest. It's really Damian we should all hate."

"You may hate me. I acknowledge that I'm superior, true born, and as such elicit lesser beings to feel jealousy." His comment earned a tackle from Jason, and soon the two were rolling around on the ground, brotherly fisticuffs in full display.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted at ff.net. I apologize if you've read it. Lo siento. 
> 
> (I was asked to write something including corporal punishment. I don't usually take requests (because I'm fuckin' lazy and normally ill-equipped) but I did this time. I'm not a fan of this subject. Don't hit kids is my take, but my parents were fans of back handing and such. They love me, but arent perfect, so I can write from past knowledge. Just, you know, don't be hitting kids. That's the point I hope this kinda makes.)


End file.
